“The corpse swung lazily from the rope around its neck.”
This opening line to a legal thriller by my favorite author Victor Methos in his book, “Arsonist,” is pretty hard to ignore.
The story grabs you from the get-go. That first line opens up a boatload of questions and curiosity.
The good news is, when you’re writing an email you don’t need to talk about swinging dead bodies to capture your reader’s attention.
Thankfully.
But you DO need something that “hooks” them. An opening that makes readers ask themselves the question:
“What’s going to happen next? I gotta know!”
Last week I talked about the importance and value of using stories in your email copy. And by the way, a story isn’t always clear cut.
It may be implied, such as how your product or offer will make the reader happier by giving them the freedom, income or perfect partner they want.
Or it may be a customer’s story of how they had a problem and used your solution to achieve the desired outcome.
It’s why case studies are so popular.
You, as the reader, get to experience the journey from start to finish. Makes it relatable.
But I digress…
So… what makes a great hook?
A great hook is exciting or interesting enough to jump up and basically smack your reader upside the head.
Which most people need to get them away from the thousands of distractions vying for their attention.
The body copy then reels them in.
Examples of compelling hooks may be:
- A surprising statistic
- An amazing idea
- A horrible tragedy
- A shocking fact
For instance, what’s something no one ever thought was possible but [this person] did it?
Joe Johnson lost both legs in a car accident in his teens. No one – even Joe himself – ever imagined he’d be competing in the Boston Marathon.
This type of hook works for three main reasons:
-
It’s unexpected — What??? How can this be possible?
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It sets the stage for an event to follow — How did he do this?
-
It creates more questions than it answers — Does he have prosthetic legs? Did he use a wheelchair? Did someone carry him on their back?
Keep in mind, just like subject lines and headlines, that the body of your email must reflect whatever you promise in the first line.
Your reader keeps reading to uncover how this person did this unbelievable thing, accomplished this great feat or otherwise did the unexpected.
Here’s a quick example of how I changed a hook to increase conversions (how much? we don’t know until it’s tested):
THE ORIGINAL EMAIL I received from a PR person:
OG Subject line: Molecular Scientist on Cat Allergies + Summer
Hi Linda
During the summer months when the AC is blasting, those that suffer from cat allergies have reported a new increase in symptoms. In addition to the added circulation of air, the heat causes cats to shed more fur and dander creating an epically uncomfortable work from home environment.
While having allergies doesn’t automatically make you susceptible to getting more serious diseases, running eyes and noses do encourage more face touching and does put you at risk of contracting a virus.
etc
Pretty bland, right? Not much in there makes me want to keep reading.
So here’s how I would rewrite the subject line and opening line…
HEADLINE AND HOOK CHANGED TO INCREASE OPENS:
Subject line: summer gives your cat this special superpower
Hi Linda,
During the summer months when the AC is blasting, those that suffer from cat allergies have reported a new increase in symptoms. In addition to the added circulation of air, the heat causes cats to shed more fur and dander creating an epically uncomfortable work from home environment.
–> Is your cat secretly plotting to make you miserable this summer?
–> Summer may be turning your cat’s fur into a super allergy trigger.
–> Did you know 90% of your summer allergies may be due to your feline coworker? (note: I made up that stat)
If I had allergies – and I do have cats – I’d pay attention to any of these if I was sneezing every five minutes and had no clue why.
Try running your opening lines through these checks.
Get creative.
Have fun with it.
And let me know how you do.
As always, it takes testing and practice to see what works.
Other posts you may find helpful:
How to Write Ridiculously Captivating Headlines
How to Make Your Copy Conversational… so people actually read it
Email Subject Lines that Win Every Time (includes a valuable resource you’ll want to bookmark)
Please share this post with friends who want to up their email game. And honestly, who doesn’t, right?
Talk later,
P.S. Want your emails done for you? If you need onboarding emails (a.k.a. nurture emails), pre-launch, post-launch or any other sequence and are too gosh-darn busy to do it yourself, I can help. I’ve done sequences for my own launches as well as for clients. And I have a few tricks up my sleeve to get slam dunk results. Send me a note at linda@lindamelonewrites.com or check out THIS PAGE for deets.
